Hello there!

No small talk this week; I've been seeing this 'Dear Me' thing going all around and last Monday, I couldn't sleep and I guess I felt inspired so I wrote this.

To those of you who don't know what it is, 'Dear Me' is a thing people have been doing for ages, and it consists on writing a letter/making a video to your past self. Like, I don't know, imagine that you could talk with the person you were a few years ago, (or a month ago, who cares) what would you say? Would you tell them how things are going now? How much you miss them?

Here's what I'd say.

Dear Me;

I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry.

You're going through a lot and I don't take care of you, I'm sorry. I worry about tiny details that nobody notices, I'm sorry. I take my rage out on the people you love the most, I'm sorry. I keep giving chances to those who hurt you, I'm sorry. I lie to you and everyone around you every single day, I tell them that you're alright, I make YOU believe that you're alright, I'm sorry. I didn't talk to him because I was too shy, I'm sorry. I couldn't study last night, same thing the night before that, and some others, I'm sorry. I disappointed people you really appreciate, I'm sorry. I give up on you for a while, I'm sorry. I hated with too much force and I didn't love enough, I'm sorry. I made you lose some of your friends, I'm sorry. I let you get your heart broken, I'm sorry. I didn't warn you about their intentions, I'm sorry. I know you didn't want to spend days alone at the hospital but I don't trust people, I'm sorry. I trusted someone, I'm sorry. I made you think you aren't good enough, I'm sorry. I locked you up because of my fears, I'm sorry. I change moods within a second, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being sorry. That's something you're going to learn; you don't need to apologize for every single thing you do, you're fine. You're human, and humans fuck up. A lot. So stop worrying about every step you make. You're going to suck sometimes, but you're going to glow too. God, if you could only imagine the amount of lovely people you're gonna meet. Fuck all those selfish friends you've got now, there are nice ones out there who will appreciate you. Some of them will also disappoint you, but you're used to that, it won't affect you that much.

Forget about that boy, he's not worth it. I still think about our conversations at 3am, but I don't miss him as much as you do now. You'll get over it, kind of. I guess he was a big part of our lives, so he will be there when we're forty and full of wrinkles. He changed us after all, right?

Don't be so angry all the time. I know things suck, I know it's not fair, but you're wasting a lot of energy on that. It gets better. Not the kind of better everybody says tho, just a bit nicer. You'll even learn to control your anxiety attacks, those fuckers.

Stop demanding yourself so much. You're not superwoman. Hell, you're not even a woman yet, you're just a girl. It's okay to relay on people, they don't find you annoying. I promise, it's fine, you can open yourself up. Little by little, though, don't trust every soul. You know how it is.

Please don't cry when you look in the mirror, it's just a simple image. You're so much more than that. You don't need to starve yourself, you'll learn to eat healthy and it's the best thing ever. Broccoli is my new best friend, you'll love it. Don't let those mean comments get to you, the ones who say them don't know you, once you're out of high school, every asshole will be out of your life. Forever. Well, not forever. One of your classmates will flirt with you. Ironic, right? Don't worry, I don't flirt back.

Oh, you should have wore braces ages ago, mum is going crazy, our mouth is driving her nuts. I can't help but laugh.

Just so you know, a few of your insecurities (such as your small boobs and your height) aren't insecurities anymore. I mean, it's annoying sometimes, but you'll learn to live with them. Small boobs are cute and you can go out without a bra thanks to them. Freedom.

You'll learn a lot of things, you wouldn't believe it if you knew how ignorant you are right now. I know you think you're pretty smart, but you're like any other teenager full of shit. Just a lot nicer. Wait for it.

You're still obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio, and it feels like that won't change. Listen, I tried...but he's so lovely ((and pretty)), I can do nothing about it. Still no Oscar, btw. It's getting ridiculous.

I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you! You've got a hamster. I'm not kidding, you actually have a pet. He's so tiny and fluffy. I wish he was dog-sized to cuddle him, I've got the impression he'd give amazing hugs. 

Speaking of tiny haven't met Louis yet. Oops? Look, I thought you'd stop trying after five fucking years, but here I am, goal number one. Yes, it still feels impossible most of the time, but I'm not giving up. Why stop searching for something that would make you extremely happy? I don't care if other people think it's stupid, we both know how much he means to us, so. I'll keep trying.

I also wanted to discuss a thing with you...I don't wanna be rude, but why the hell do you dress like that? You're not cool, not a tiny bit. You're gonna regret it in a few years. All the pictures you're taking? Evidence that you'll want to burn. Just saying.

One last thing: you'll learn to love yourself, you deserve it. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm working on it. I know you'll make it, I trust you. You're all I have, after all.

Love, You.

That's my letter...all I'd say to who I've been during the nineteen years of my life. It's a pretty personal entry, but I hope you like it.

Have a nice week!!!



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