I know it's not a nice topic, but I couldn't sleep the other night and my mind started making this weird scenarios and I just...I thought about it. I thought about death. How scary is it? Death. The simple word makes me cringe. 

I remember when I was a child and I thought I was inmortal. I didn't understand the concept of death and I really believed we all lived forever. Then my grandpa died and I still didn't get it. Did he just...disappeared? Stop existing? There was no way I could understand that, it didn't make sense to me.

A few years after that, it all just clicked and I felt extremely scared.
Like, what happens after that? I'm not concious anymore, am I? I'm not breathing but I cannot leave everything just like that, can I? Is it that simple? That easy? Why? My mind was filled with questions that I didn't have the answers for. Actually, I don't have those answers yet.

Am I still scared? Sometimes.
I don't like thinking about it but some days it happens, and I get this stupid feeling in my chest, like I can't breath for a second. 

One day, I'm not going to be able to see the colour of the sky; to take pictures because it looks stunning and makes me feel alive. I'm not going to listen to my favourite song anymore, I'm not going to buy the pizza I like the most, I'm not going to hear my mum telling me to clean my room. I'm going to stop breathing.

And yeah, that scares me.
It's not that I'm scared of dying, I'm scared of what's after, I'm scared of all the things I'm gonna miss. I don't want to simply disappear, there has to be something else.

I'm also scared of not making the best out of the only life I've got.
I know we all say that, but it's true. You only have one chance, and sometimes I sit in my room thinking about all the things I wanna see before my game is over, all the places I want to visit, the people I want to meet, the stuff I want to try...and the crazy thing is that I've got the time to achieve every single one of my goals, but I don't know how. I don't know how to stop my fear and start my adventure.

But I'm pretty damn sure that I will.
I don't know when, but I will, I promise. And you should too.

I'm sorry for this shitty entry, but I didn't feel like updating.

Have a nice week and enjoy your life!!!



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