Every once in a while, I let myself be discovered by certain people.
I'm one of those humans who keep everything to themselves when it comes to suffering. I hate going to my friends saying something like "I feel fucking awful, my life is falling apart". I'm a private person, too afraid of showing too much of my deepest self because a long time ago the ones who got lucky and I trusted the most, left without a word.

And I know it's not fair; it's not fair to all the amazing new people I have in my life. I know some of them won't ever leave - well, maybe they will, but I don't think so - but that's just who I am. I can't simply share all my "secrets" or the bad aspects of my life in order to feel better. I should, though.

I should because sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, too many thoughts in my head, all confusing me and making me feel like I'm going to explode. What can I say? Living is overwhelming sometimes, and I'm aware of the fact that if I could simply say "no, I'm not fine" when someone asks me how I am, but I never do. It feels like a big deal, you know? To let other people see how vulnerable I can be.

And I wish I could convince every single person that is like me to stop being so stubborn, to talk to others, to let all their feelings out when they feel like they need to. It's not a bad thing, on the contrary, it will help you. It's okay to be private, but we all need to let it out sometimes. And if those people you finally open up with decide to leave, fuck them. Their loss.

But, my point here is to answer the question I put as tittle: "how do you keep up?"

Whether you talk with others about your feelings or not, I wanna share a few things that have been helping me lately and maybe they'll work with you too:

Stay positive. I've always been such a negative person, ALWAYS. I used to make things a million times worse because not only I kept thinking about them over and over, but I also added innecessary pain to myself by thinking in a negative way.

It's not easy to swap your mentality, it's not like you're gonna wake up one day and be like "YAY, I'M A POSITIVE PERSON!!!". Changes need time, so take it. Start by realizing that you aren't helping yourself when you make everything worse than it already is. 

Remind yourself you're amazing. Yes, I do that a lot. As I said, I used to be pretty shitty to myself, I was always like "I'm so weak", "I cry so easily...ridiculous", "I'm nothing special". Toxic behaviour, that is.

I'm not weak, I'm so fucking strong I even impress myself sometimes. I've survived every hard situation the world has put me in, how is that weak? I keep going on, I fight every day for what I want and I never give up. I might as well believe one of my best friends when she tells me that I am "the strongest person" she knows. There are days when I feel like I can't anymore, and I repeat over and over: you are strong, you can do this. You should do this too, don't forget to tell yourself how strong you are. Life's not always easy, and even when you're struggling, you're still here, you're surviving.

Also, crying is not ridiculous. Might be annoying, yes. You're trying to explain yourself but you can't because your tears keep falling; you don't actually want to cry but your eyes are like 'I don't care'. But it's not ridiculous, you care, you feel. Nothing wrong with that.

Oh, and you're definitely special. I don't care if you don't have what people seem to consider a "talent" these days, you are fucking special. You breathe and you laugh and you sleep and you live. You're special and I don't want any of you to ever forget that.

Sadness is not always a bad thing. Okay, let me explain myself. I know this is such a clich√© but the hardest moments of my life made me who I am today; all I'm going through right now, will make me even stronger and will change certain characteristics of my personality. And that's a good thing.

I mean, I'd obviously give a lot to erase those hard times, I don't want to be sad, nobody does. Suffering is not nice, but every now and then, helps. In order to move forward, you gotta let yourself be blue, you gotta take it.

Some of the most important things I've learnt in my life are from the worst moments I can remember. But it is what it is, right?

I guess those are the main "tips" I give you. 
Please please please, always take care of yourself. You matter, you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to live the weird experience of life. Don't throw that away even when sometimes it seems the best option. It isn't. The best option is you and your happiness. I love you.



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