HEY, I LOVE YOU




So...I know it's Christmas and everybody is happily singing songs and having fun with their families, but I know some people are not having a good time. Yeah, surprise, some of us don't like Christmas. Boo, shocker.

Personally, it's got nothing to do with my beliefs. I mean, I do not believe in God but I see Christmas more as like a lovely celebration to share with your family and closest friends and you know, be aware of how lucky you are to be alive and surrounded by amazing human beings.

Every time I say "I don't give a shit about Christmas", people freak out. They literally look at me like I'm insane and I just said something like 'I poisoned your pet last week'. And I hate to explain myself every single year, so I'm gonna do it one more time.

Listen, or well, read: I love Christmas trees, lights, decorations...I love how genuinely happy some people are. I love seeing kids full of joy waiting for Santa; I love families getting together for a huge Christmas dinner and I love watching sappy Christmas movies every afternoon. I love what Christmas brings to others, I just hate what it brings to me.

You know how we all are freaking excited in summer because when we think of it, we think of holidays and friends and booze and having the best time of our lives? Even if we don't actually do any of that and we simply stay home, every time we think of summer, we get excited. That's a thing.

But maybe some people hate summer because ages ago they got their heart broken in August and even when they got over it, they associate summer with that awful memory. Because that's what we do, we associate stuff sometimes unconsciously, our brains work that self-destructive way and we can't do anything about it.

That's why I don't enjoy or like Christmas.
Believe me, I've been trying to enjoy this holiday for years. But I can't, I just can't. Every year, something new happens and it's always the same shit. It's gotten to a point where all I do is wish the end of the year sucks a little less.

My brain associates Christmas with some of the worst moments of my life, so, honestly? I can't blame myself for not loving this time of the year. And you shouldn't blame yourself either.

I wanted to write this entry to say that I'm here, I know how sucky and lonely these days might make you feel, but you're not alone. Please, remember that.

Pick a good book and read until your eyes beg you to stop, discover new artists and fall in love with their music, draw, write, sleep; do whatever makes you happy and can take your mind off things. Don't look at social media or stay glued to your phone if that's going to make you miserable because you wish you had the Christmas your friends have.

Take care of yourself and remember that I love you.


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