Good morning, beautiful people!

How's life going? I've been binge watching 'Black Mirror' this weekend and I'm not sure I'm human anymore. The world is weird, time's relentless and that show is a fucking masterpiece.

That being said, it's been raining an awful lot for the last three days and...I liked it? I mean, I had my moments, but overall I enjoyed it. Extremely surprising if you know me. Rain and winter weather usually make me kind of sad and angry at the same time, but I felt pretty relaxed this weekend so...thanks for that, universe.

Anyway, time to stop rambling about my boring life. I bring you a little piece of my mind today, hope you guys dig it!
So, today's topic is something I've touched here before: self-love.

We all know how hard it is to be able to finally look at yourself and think 'hey, I'm not that bad. Not at all, actually'. It's probably one of the most difficult journeys ever, and a pretty long one too. 

I, still to this day, can't understand why the world/society is such a piece of shit to us and makes us believe that we're not enough. Like, while we're growing up, they feed us with this shitty info that practically presents us as "products" or "objects" and if you're not exactly like the "original sample" they considered 'the perfect one' (as if such thing exists), they clasify you as 'not enough'.

The whole concept is really sad because for once, perfection is not real. It doesn't exist. I'll admit that Leonardo DiCaprio's face is close to it but...you know, he isn't even human, so.

Jokes aside, I'm being completely honest when I say that being "perfect" is not a thing. At least not in the way society makes us think it is. Being perfect is not wearing a certain size, or having a specific hair colour, or shaving your damn body hair.

I think it depends on how you think. Like, you know, for me someone's perfect when they keep fighting and they're trying to be the best version of themselves. Someone who is willing to learn every day and sees life like an opportunity. And I'm lucky because I know a lot of "perfect" people, even when they don't seem to like themselves.

So, recap: I think of them as perfect, but that word and its meaning has such a negative connotation to me. I guess you could say I don't use it the same way the world says I should? I don't know, it's a word. Have fun with it.

Sorry, sorry, rambling again.

I mainly wanted to write this post because I've been feeling like shit lately - self-esteem wise. I'm literally avoiding mirrors as much as possible because I think "ew" whenever I look at myself, I go out with friends and I feel like I've got zero confidence...it's just a mess right now.

And it took me so long to understand that I'm a priority, that self-love is really really important and that I'm more than fucking enough, that I can't just let a bad month get to me. 

Now, you may ask... "Carmen, why are you writing this? I mean, sorry but, who cares?"
Well, I care. I care a lot and the thing that always help me with my struggles is writing. That's why I'm here and I'm writing all my negative thoughts away.

[I even posted an instagram picture with a long ass caption about it. Talk about shameless self-promo]

Here's the situation: that society bullshit I just mentioned before? I was really deep into that. I genuinely bought it and I had an incredibly harmful image of myself. Seems like having the world telling me I sucked wasn't enough, huh? 

I literally look back sometimes and I had a self-destructive attitude - thing that makes me sad to think about. It's not my fault though, our surroundings teach us to be that way. But yeah, the thing is that back then I had society being critical of my every move, but I was doing that too.

I don't want to make this too long and some of you already know this, but I changed all of that. Still a work in progress, as you can tell, but I'm getting there.

And the difference is that I'm the only one judging myself now. Well, not true, the world keeps doing that but my opinion is the only one that matters to me. I'm lying again, I'd like a person or two to think I'm cool af, okay?

So that's why I can't stay in this toxic mindset

I might feel awful, but I can't remind myself that all the time and point out my flaws/insecurities like I used to do. I'll tell you what I do - maybe it could help some of you too.

Whenever I feel like this, I think about one thing I like about myself. It could be whatever, and if you feel like you don't like anything...lie. Pretend until you finally see that that thing you chose, it's actually lovely, you just couldn't see it.

Got it?
Okay, now embrace it and congratulate yourself. Feel your love. It's as simple as that. Stop obsessing over what you consider your flaws and focus on the good stuff. There's plenty there.

For instance, your cells. Those teeny tiny stars (I call them stars, SUE ME) are keeping you alive!! Dude, that's a great thing you've got there. I know this one might seem like a reach, but hey, I'm always thankful for them.

Rant over, I guess.
Please keep this as a reminder that you're wonderful and you can do this - you too, Carmen. Is it crazy if I talk about myself in third person? Gonna stop now.

Uhm...Halloween next week! Who's ready for a cheeky makeup look next Monday? Not me, I'm definitely not ready.

Have a nice week!! 



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